Go, find new friendships.

Vishal and Priya had studied together. They were in an Engineering college and had spent 4 years of graduation attending the same classes. They had a common bunch of friends. Though Vishal was a bit shy and took some time to gel in, Priya’s outgoing nature and bold personality helped him open up.

They became friends and slowly became best friends. Their closeness didn’t remain a friendship and culminated into a beautiful relationship. They loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. They wanted to grow old together.

When the last day of graduation was around the corner, they couldn’t bear to be without each other. Priya said to Vishal, "let's get married”. He had been aware of his conservative roots and had been sharing his concerns with Priya. He belonged to a typical joint north-indian family and she was from a liberal nuclear family. 

Priya convinced him that they will work it out. Agreeing to her, Vishal broke the news to his family. There were initial reservations from his family and his parents were reluctant. But seeing him happy with Priya, they agree to the match but with some conditions. 

These conditions were just like any other conservative family conditions in India would be. The girl will not work after the marriage, she should wear sari, she should manage the house and adjust with the joint and extended family etc. 

Without a blink, Priya agreed.

Fast forward 5 years into the marriage, she sought transformation sessions with me and she and I began the journey.

Many layers opened up. She had lost herself in this relationship. To be with the love of her life she lost her identity. Vishal loved her and supported her at every step yet it was too much to completely transform herself into someone the family wanted. All this while sharing her pain and fears with Vishal because, after all, he was her best friend.

He was everything to her, husband, best friend, and perhaps a partner in crime. And being a daughter-in-law in a joint family, trying to be this new person, she could never go out and create new friendships. And as a result of this she overshared with Vishal. There used to be messages and calls of venting out until he came back from work and once he was home there were hours of conversations of what had happened the whole day.

Vishal started to feel suffocated with all this but he loved Priya way too much to tell her what every second of her sharing was doing to him. It was affecting their relationship badly.

Why am I telling you this story?

Knowingly or unknowingly, we put one person in many roles. Especially if this one person is whom we love and this person is supporting us unconditionally.

They become our sole go-to person.

They become our best friend, spouse, business partner, hanging out buddy, long drive friend, coffee companion, drinks partner and what not. 

The list is long, but the person is one.

This person who is precious to us is burdened by our heavy expectations.

This person cannot breathe now.

Imagine you have been put under layers of quilts and now you struggle to breathe. This is them. This is how they feel.

Now that you know how they feel, go find new friendships. 

Release them from these roles, give them the space they deserve, so that they can come back to you with a heart full of love and arms full of warmth.